Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
