Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
