They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
