Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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