Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
