i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
