so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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