I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
