Umm I'm too high to move.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
