i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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