Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
