he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
