I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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