Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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