I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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