I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
why is half of my head shaved?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
