just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize