The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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