Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
