I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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