She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Randomize
