Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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