I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
