Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
