I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
