Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
