My hand turned me down
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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