Don't you send me to vm
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
