Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
