i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
