In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
