Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
