my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
