I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
