I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
