i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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