Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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