Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
