I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
