remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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