I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
