I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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