I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
