i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
