just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
