Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
