Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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