Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
