She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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