You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
