can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
