i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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