I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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