I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
