i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
