CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
