Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
