WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
