I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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