dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
