Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize