he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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