I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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