am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize