Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
