i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
