Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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