Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
