So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
