i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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