Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
