Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
