the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
