If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
