Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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