I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
