just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
