Is it because I queefed?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
