Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
40s are totally the cure
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
