I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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