When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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