god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
