My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
