On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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