im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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