saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
