So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
