Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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