I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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