so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
