HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
