dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
