From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
