He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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