I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
