Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
