Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
