is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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