Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
