Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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