remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
