North Korea, Best Korea!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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