I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
