your parents love me but you hate me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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