We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
