i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
