oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Terrible idea I love it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
